He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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