I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
