I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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