Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
