16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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