i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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