They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Every concussion has its silver lining
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
