He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
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I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
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You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize