a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
