I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
