At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
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