I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
