Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
