Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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