I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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