you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
