In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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