He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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