I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
