Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
