we're chasing vodka with high fives
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
