are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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