i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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