If that was your dad, he is hot
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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