From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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