Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
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I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
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I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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