if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
