Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
