Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize