thus making me awesome and them whores
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
