Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
