...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
