i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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