I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My vagina is very pro this idea
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
