im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
