google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
