the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
