if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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