Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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