Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
