It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
