the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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