i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
