standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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