I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
