he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
