States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
