was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
