he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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