I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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