Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
