tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
