If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize