I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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