Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
