I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
