why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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