it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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