I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I still have a little drunk in my system
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize