Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
